When Re-runs All Become Our History...

Moving out of my parents house has been an ordeal since May.
In the last twenty years I have accumulated so much... stuff! I don't know what to do with it all nor do I have a place for it. It's a process.
Something urged me to swing by my parents house tonight. I had stopped by a friend's to pick up a concert ticket and just instinctively started driving towards Elyria.
My mother was home making banana bread and my father at a church meeting.
I went into my old room and began sorting through all my old belongings. I found a variety of mix Cd's, which have been surprisingly good so far, old journals, pictures from elementary school, piano books, and some pens my dog had been using for chew toys.
I've always expressed myself through writing and through music. Each mix Cd has a story to it. I listened to two of them heading back to Cleveland and so many memories came rushing back. The good, the bad, the stupid, the dramatic, all the memories.
One in particular I was looking for. The one that's been holding me back for years, and I found it. It was everywhere. In my music, in my writing, everywhere. It had to go.
I packed everything, including that memory, into my backpack and headed north.
I popped a Cd in titled, "Songs I Love, and Always Will."
I wasn't lying. In the thirty minutes it took me to get home I belted some Hillary Duff, cried to some worship, had a perfect day with Hoku, and got down with O-Town.
It was then I realized I needed to confront this memory head on, well to an extent.
I found my journal from 2008 and found the exact page. The page that I unleashed on. A page full of honesty, hurt, and smeared from countless tears. I tore it out. I read it about six or seven times.
Tears can not fall on that page any more. My eyes can never see it again. It's gone, as I pray the memory will be.
This memory will never be out of my life but it can stop overtaking my life.
I need to remember who I was before this memory. I need to be that girl again...


NOW PLAYING: DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL - HARD TO BREATHE