Then I'ma Start Rockin Gold Teeth...

Sitting here in my parents house in my childhood room is pretty nostalgic. Where my bunk bed was once is now a computer desk. My chest of Barbies and toys is now a book shelf. And a piano sits where my radio that blared NSYNC and Brittany Spears once was. I see a few remnants of my childhood still lingering, however. My hammock of stuffed animals in the high corner behind the door. The Mickey Mouse head table lamp. A painted purple and green "paper weight" I made my father one summer. And my Indians flag.
This is my constant reminder of change. Everything around us changes daily. May it be our friends, our surroundings, our employment, our significant other, everything. Only a few things may stay constant. Those are called miracles.

I Can't Tell if it's Raining or Not

Just when you think things are going smooth a bump in the road arises. May it be a fractured hand or a realization, something always happens.
I was going through my phone earlier and noticed I started to write a post a few days ago while I was out of town. The title was Truth be Told...My coworkers and I were playing a game called "Questions". It's where you ask a general question and everyone has to answer, pretty simple. Now this must have inspired me in some way. The post was never finished but had a good start...

"I'm not a very open person. I tend to keep to myself and let things go. When someone asks me how I've been, I always say alright. Not to blow them off. But I'm not doing horrible. And I'm not living extraordinary either...."

Huh... The things that must have been going through my mind at that moment. I mean, of course I know who and what I was thinking about. But looking back at this I see how true it is. I always keep to myself. I could live by myself and be perfectly content.
I blame my independent outlook on my parents. They raised me to be self sufficient. I thank them every day for that. I've learned I can not rely on others. Humans are fickle creatures and sway opinions too often. Someone could support you 100% one day then be a tad skeptical the next. You don't know what's going on in their mind. Just your own.


NOW PLAYING: NEW SOUL - YAEL NAIM & DAVID DONATIEN

What I realized about you...

To Whom It May Concern,
You took me by surprise. I wasn't really looking for anyone but you just kinda showed up. Things seemed good, all seemed right. For the first time in a while I allowed myself to break the walls down. Emotions that I hid from everyone began to bubble toward the surface. All seemed right. Like I said though, I wasn't used to this. I trained myself to never let anyone too close. The training program worked like a charm. Mistakes were made. However, it was mine to make. Nothing was serious. Nothing was set in stone. But nothing seemed right anymore.
I explained myself the best I could. But those emotions fizzled back down. I was retreating, and so were you. Nothing was right.
Giving up was my only choice. You left me no other option. But you kept appearing, by your choice. My mind couldn't handle it. It still can't. I really can't say I've moved on because there wasn't much to move away from. But all is right with me. Everything but you.


Now Playing: Coming to Terms - Carolina Liar

Life is too big for these things...

It's taken me a while to write my first post. Not that I haven't been inspired or had the urge to write. There is just not enough hours in the day. So now I'm sitting here in my room, the cool breeze from the lake is coming through my window (finally), and I can't help but think of everything that's happening.
So many little things. So many big things. My life is like a whirlwind sometimes. The little things could easily bring me down. I could sit here and dwell on them, over-analyze everything, and be miserable. But they are little things for a reason. They're insignificant. The impact those minor defects have on my life is minimal. Yet that's all that has been on my mind today.
It first started with a text. The text was followed by an attitude. Loneliness followed quick after. I allowed myself to sink back into the little things.
But I'm not angry at myself for this, nor do I regret it.
Today I realized who I am again. I realized what I need to be doing.
Life is too big to worry about the little things. And it's too short to emphasize them. Each day has a purpose. At times it takes the whole day to figure what that purpose is. Little things get in the way.

NOW PLAYING: Hallelujah - Paramore